When I was nearing graduation, several people asked “what’s next?”
I answered them all the same.
A VOID. It is time for me to take a break from bettering and improving myself and just enjoy being.
- I had been on a journey of evolution for six years.
- I ended a long marriage.
- I defined myself as a mom.
- Began a new healthy relationship with myself that brought me to a healthy marriage.
- I followed a dream of returning to school.
- Through 4 years of work and dedication, I found a good job that I am happy in.
- I traveled abroad to reconnect with a part of me that had been asleep for a long time.
- I visited ancient lands where I reconnected with a part of my soul I didn’t know was missing.
Yep, I would say that was a lot of work and now it was time to rest.
I remember reading in one of my daily readers by Melodie Beatty about a void in life.
A void often is thought of as lack. Not the way melody describes it.
A void can be a reward for hard work, a rest before continuing the journey.
The time between working on getting where you want to be and enjoying where you are in the moment.
My answer to the question was I am enjoying my void, practicing just being.
I had been doing so much and trying to balance how to be. I am happier. I never looked back at the last few years and regretted my decision to follow the path I have. I faced the challenges head-on, no matter how hard they had been.
I knew it was time to sit back and allow my soul to absorb all the changes and lessons learned– to absorb where I was.
To allow myself to just be.
It had been five months since I graduated when a co-worker, who happened to be a life coach, asked what are you doing with your life now that you are done with school.
“enjoying my void.”
She laughed as she said, “that sounds great. I know it is well deserved.”
I don’t recall what happened the following day that made me think. I remember hearing a voice in my head saying, “dagnabit, the void is coming to an end. Time to get busy.” That thought left me as quickly as it had entered.
That must have been three maybe four weeks ago. I have not given that moment another thought, at least I don’t think I had.
Matthew and I were on a 12-day adventure to Sweden and the arctic circle. Nothing particular happened or connected to my spirit as it usually does when we travel, until now…
I’ve been reading less than normal for the last few months.
My meditation practice has become nothing of regularity.
However, my yoga time has become my life force. I have never been as drawn to a yoga practice as I find myself now.
I have a stack of angel books and other spiritual books just calling to me to open them. Only I haven’t reached for them.
I even brought Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior with me on our trip. I read The Way of the Peaceful Warrior earlier this year just before my void began.
I loved the book. It inspired me, even though I couldn’t tell you much of what I read any longer if asked.
I found the sequel at the used book store a few months back and knew there would be a call for me to read it. Over 44 hours on trains, 8 flights, and countless hours in airports (remember we were in Sweden and the Arctic Circle), I managed only to read one chapter of the book.
Again, until now.
The first book speaks of Dan’s journey. It walks you through the beginning of his story, where he finds spirit and connection. It ends with a quick summary of years later that he lost connection and had to rediscover it. The book does not discuss his journey to rediscover, just that he did. The second book is about his journey to reconnect and rediscover his path.
While I do not feel that I am disconnected or must rediscover my journey, I think I walked that path the last 6 years, rediscovering.
I feel connected.
Even comfortable in my own skin that I understand who I am.
I now understand it is time for me to step out of my void and get back to work.
While I can enjoy being who I am, I must do the work to continue my spiritual journey. I know it is time, although I admit a little part of me wants to say, “well, damm.”
Self-evolution is work, rewarding, and fulfilling, but work none the less.
I have felt numb for a while. Maybe not numb, just less intense emotions than I feel often.
My happy is happy. My sad has been sad.
It is hard to explain when I’ve been happy or experiencing something great, I feel happy. It just didn’t always feel as full, as intense, as I expected it too.
I guess that is part of the feeling of a void —the calm.
I am now reading the chapters I have on this short flight (5 chapters) that I am ready to embrace stepping out of the void and getting back to work.